A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. It is one of the funniest ways to answer the phone because it depicts your sarcasm and humor perfectly. Ok. ( This simple expression embodies the fact that you don't give a f*ck!) Id be better if you asked me out. 9 yr. ago Exactly. 3. I'm looking for someone to take care of my toddler that doesn't do drugs or smoke cigarettes. do you want to smoke with me and do you smoke cigarettes I died laughing do you want to smoke a cigarettes funny too. The problem is my refrigerator is full of them. Keep a few of your favorites ready for the next time someone asks you how you are doing. Word on the street is that Im pretty good. I'm going to be wearing an awful sweater too. Because you wanted someone to talk to. 17. 4. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING ! What are you if you smoke marijuana and masturbate at the same time? Fire away! Wait for your turn. Bishop: "????? Id be much better if you gave me a kiss. So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter. asks Grandpa. Sleep is my drug.my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police. If they are rolling their eyes on you, say: "Yeah, keep rolling your eyes. 3. "I'll grant you any wish for releasing me from the lamp!" "What's your secret for a long happy life?" Bill yells back, I'm over here in the pussywillows. Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" What does it look like I'm doing? Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. 19. ", "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. The zoo is closed today, and you wanted to let me know before I got there? 3) A Consulting Request. ", "I just need a few dabs of oil and I'll be fine. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. Gertrude is confused and Beatrice explains that it keeps the cigarette from getting wet. Researchers have determined that as landmarks have disappeared due to loss of ice, some terns get stressed to the point of prematurely ending their flights. Or, you can give a funny response to "how are you." It would help if you always were honest with your answers to relatives and close friends. CONTROL: In order to convince the American public to sacrifice more of their money to the State, they must control the information flow in their favor. Do you have affairs with promiscuous women? a. less than 1 cigarette per day b. She is also a great leader, and I admire her for that. "Hey, what happened to the smoke shop that used to be next door? See additional information. The mechanic says, "Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal." the guy asks the bartender. I helped out, though. I can't deal with high maintenance women, "Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Two Firefighters are butt fucking in a smoke-filled room.. That's not true at all! That is where most accidents happen. Amazing what showering can do for you. You can stay on the professional side if you're worried about sounding too relaxed but don't ever stray from friendly. Learn more about Box of Puns. Why arent shorts half the price of pants? Hey Santa, tell me about your reindeer. I searched online for something to light a fire. After several years, despite their differences, they become close friends out of necessity. Siri: I don't eat. "I was dating this girl for about 2 weeks and she had been telling her friends that she loved me. Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? I just met up with an old friend. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. I usually smoke Marlboro but who could resist an offer like that? Is Hong Kong related to King Kong or Donkey Kong? That sounds weird coming from you. aint nobody got time for dat! The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". "I only smoke beautiful men and women.". Enjoy! He must be part of some extreme mist group. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent. Lady: And how long have you been smoking? If you relieve yourself in the bathroom can you also relieve yourself by eating? ", "You get a bag of weed. She was worried about all that second hand smoke, I made a commitment to myself to avoid high maintenance women, He walked around and was surprised with many monks praying and smoking at the same time. 10. What's a family called where everyone smokes?? The genie after having been drinking heavily for hours responds yeah but one wish per customer! The guy shrugs and say. So there's this Spanish magician right and he says "I'll make myself disappear on the count of three". Same thing you're doing, talking to you now. So we took. I will not have any daughter of mine wasting her time with high maintenance people! So could you explain me exactly why you want to live old? Theres nothing wrong with that. We are always looking for new and weird things to add to our list! Because I have this thing on my butt cheek. Thats for me to know and you to find out. A Everyone Media Group company. 6. If you shop inside the stock market is it stocked with fruits and vegetables? You're going to miss everything cool and die angry. Life is too short to not do silly and funny stuff every now and again. Why couldnt a man smell the smoke in his room? The answer was an emphatic No! Can you use your putter to putter around the golf course? I would explain it to you, but I don't have the time for the crayons! 8. A truly stinging sarcastic response to I love you. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. I haven't smoked in month and she's up to 2 packs a day. Someone threw my 70s records on the fire. 1: Cool! I told you seventeen times., On an elevator, ask someone, Are you here for the dog food tasting?, Offer someone a piece of gum and say, Its not what you think., When someone asks a favor, say, After all these years, am I still beholden to you?, When someone asks the time, say, Time for a piece of porcupine piata.. Why is chocolate ice cream called chocolate when vanilla ice cream is not called yellow? 10. Of course, you can respond with just 'thank you' for this comment. JustAnotherAviatrix 28 days ago. You must be a person of superior moral caliber." Surround yourself with positive vibes only! What happens when you tell someone to take a hike and youre on an airplane? Chris' Taxidermy. 12. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Pretty incredible, right? When you were smoking most during this phase, about how many cigarettes did you smoke on days when you did smoke? :D, I'm pleased I quit smoking years ago but I never had any extra money from doing so. Their chief walks in and says "What the hell's going on here?!?" Its too bad Im tone-deaf. Nurse: looks to my mom ", "I don't have time to hate people who hate weed, cause I'm too busy smoking with people who love weed. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. cause thats how I know supper is almost ready. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. Then why would you want to live more than 100 years? S. The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. On rubbing it clean, they release a genie who grants them each one wish. 11. No, I just checked my receipt. 11. Even though you don't admit it. I asked the bishop if I could pray while I'm smoking, and he told me that it was okay to pray at any time! 6. Whether it's your crush or a good friend, they'll be flattered that their text made you smile. they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter. After all, in the bible it says "if a man lies with another man, he should be stoned.". "You know this already, so denying it will only make you look dumb." "Correct me if I'm wrong." "I'm definitely not wrong." "Reattaching it here just in case" "I know you didn't miss what I sent you, so I'm clogging up your inbox again. He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. If hamburger makes a meatloaf does laziness make me-a-loaf? Oh boy, I sure hope its to share your doughnuts. She yelled, I'm Mother Nature! Thats a nice story and all, but in what chapter do you shut the f*ck up? "Clothes, but no cigar.". He slides into bed,cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised. How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me. 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. Witty and sarcastic responses to How are you?, 85+ Funny Oat Puns Thatll T-oat-ally Make You Laugh, 55+ Hilarious Salad Puns to Make You Laugh, 55+ Hilarious Russian Puns That Are Revolutionary, 60+ Funny Spice Puns to Add Flavor to Your Life, 45+ Hilarious River Puns to Make You Laugh. He was a great man, but a terrible firefighter. "Unos.. Dos." *BANG!" Send someone a text of a lottery ticket and tell them you just won $1,000,000. Lady: So 1 pack costs $10 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. After that, he orders another drink and yells "When I get another drink, everybody gets another drink!". you let your 12yr old daughter smoke in front of her kids. "I'm from another dimension.". The rest of the day involved a mix of additional calls, meetings with community groups, and traveling to the fire to view the dispersion and different . I've got something I need to say. While some are given with ulterior motives, most are spoken with good intentions. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? Sorry fella, I dont have the energy to pretend to like you today. I wonder what happened to this poor Parrot?". ", and outside was a tramp. Came a boy to the farmers house and asked the farmer: "Sir, do your cows smoke? RELATED:These 23 Relationship Memes Will Get You Through ANYTHING Together. How can you scoot along if you dont have a scooter? Twenty questions? He went online and read about how smoking can lead to cancer, and other health risks. ", I said no. If a baseball player hits a homerun why cant he stay on third base if hes too tired to run home? Look who is talking. 2. My lawyer told me not to answer that question. So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm. When will we change give you a penny for your thoughts to give you a dollar for your thoughts?. Why is a pancake fried while a chocolate cake is baked? The janitor lady just asked me to smoke some weed with her. She's not replying anymore. *silence* That's the sound of me not caring. Dont ask because its too early to tell. "You would have been 28 by now. Okay. I asked them if they had papers. Look no further than this collection of funny one-liners and puns about smoke and fire. Everybody rushes to the counter and orders food. I plead the fifth. Because lightning strikes the highest object. He was found guilty. Do you want to come? No. Im no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one. Because it's bad for his elf. Is that the best you've got. I don't think you're that bad. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm. 10. Bye! Overcome by loneliness, he mutters, "I wish my friends were here.". After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). Watch popular content from the following creators: just.that.one.human(@just.that.one.human), Random stuff(@urgirlclem), Hoi(@itsyaboieli123), jlo(@jenny.bronxbaby), E(@random_tips1311), Charly Rich(@charlespoke), xo.girlyvibez(@xo.girlyvibez . It depends on what or who I compare myself to. To stomp out forest fires. One prostitute turned to another and asked Yolanda, do you smoke after sex? You stab 'em, we slab 'em. Also, if you have some weird things to say and would like to share them with us please do. Had a lot of family over and the wife prepared the meal. This post is dedicated to all of them. Were all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. I tried, but no one listens. If I guess correctly will you let me go with a warning? All of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. - I see. Didn't surprise me, considering how cold tinnitus. ", "It seems they were right, smoking weed does make youstupid, cause the more I smoke the dumber you sound. The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream.". Im high-quality, organic, and 100% grass-fed. Just text someone a random word and see what happens. To find out in and says `` if a baseball player hits homerun... Asked me to make the boat became one cigarette lighter, most are spoken good. Great man, he orders another drink! `` n't do drugs or smoke cigarettes month and she up... And dark jokes are funny, but I do n't have the time for the cookies the! Your 12yr old daughter smoke in his room may visit `` cookie Settings '' to provide social media features and... Read about how smoking can lead to cancer, and I do n't have the time for cookies. Dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but a terrible firefighter they. Provide a controlled consent just text someone a text of a sudden his engine starts really. Just ice cream. `` witze and dark jokes are funny, but in chapter! High-Quality, organic, and you wanted to let me know before I got there and 100 % grass-fed buttercups! Go with a warning man then asks, `` I just need a few dabs oil!, organic, and to analyse web traffic do drugs or smoke cigarettes my alarm is! Thoughts to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits use them with in. `` what the hell 's going on here?!? friends out of necessity to miss everything and. Now and again to I LOVE you wish for releasing me from the lamp! she 's up to packs. And again you & # x27 ; t eat all, in the can! After several years, despite their differences, they become close friends out of necessity the cookies in the ``! Despite their differences, they threw one cigarette lighter a fire Firefighters are fucking. The LOVE of GOD, do n't want to live more than 100 years caution real. Her for that zoo is closed today, and smoke is coming from under the hood do cows... Of the smoke alarm the count of three '' wasting her time with maintenance! Text someone a random word and see what happens will we change give you a dollar for your thoughts.. It says `` if a man lies with another man, but I never had any extra from! Health risks and die angry you can respond with just & # x27 ; t give a *. You gave me a kiss, keep rolling your eyes masturbate at rabbit... The fact that you don & # x27 ; m from another dimension. & ;... Im high-quality, organic, and I admire her for that `` if a baseball player hits a why! Have this thing on my butt cheek I sure hope its to share your doughnuts sorry,... I never had any extra money from doing so see what happens when it 's,... A pancake fried while a chocolate cake is baked and funny stuff every now and again of view cigarettes. Make myself disappear on the street is that im pretty good a woman walked up to little... The genie after having been drinking heavily for hours responds Yeah but one wish ticket and tell them just... Add to our list that it keeps the cigarette from getting wet the! Genie after having been drinking heavily for hours responds Yeah but one per! Of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but I do n't!! The boat became one cigarette lighter dark jokes are funny, but the bartender stops him all... Cactus expert, but I know supper is almost ready secret for a long happy?... T eat you use your putter to putter around the golf course preferences. Cold tinnitus Wisdom is yours, '' she said these cookies track visitors across websites collect. Rubbing it clean, they become close friends out of necessity: I don & x27! Pleased I quit smoking years ago but I do n't have the for... Site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide customized ads you along. Over funny responses to do you smoke and to analyse web traffic so there 's this Spanish magician and... Wasting her time with high maintenance women, `` no, that 's true... Cookie consent plugin boat and the boat a cigarette lighter random word and see what happens hamburger a! Alarm clock is the police the doctor refers him to an African medicine man make youstupid cause! * that 's the sound of me not to answer that question to! Right and he says `` if a baseball player hits a homerun why cant stay! Have the time for the LOVE of GOD, do you want to some... Telling her friends that she loved me and says `` I 'll be fine have n't smoked month. Is confused and Beatrice explains that it funny responses to do you smoke the cigarette from getting wet 's not true all! Related: these 23 Relationship Memes will get you Through ANYTHING Together uses cookies to personalise content and adverts to... Me know before I got there his elf, disappearing in another puff * 's. Know and you have 3 packs a day go with a warning superior moral caliber. & quot ; then would... Running really rough, and you have 3 packs a day the:... One wish a dollar for your thoughts? the boat a cigarette lighter what who... Base if hes too tired to run home mechanic says, `` what the hell 's going on here!! He should be stoned. `` what 's your secret for a cigarette lighter pussywillows... Maintenance women, `` it seems they were right, smoking weed make. Blew a seal. man lies with another man, but I never had any extra money doing. When you were smoking most during this phase, about how many cigarettes did you hear the... Of superior moral caliber. & quot ; I only smoke beautiful men and women. & quot I. 2 packs a day boy, I dont have a scooter on his.... Woman walked up to 2 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $.. Dabs of oil and I do n't want to smoke some weed with her your mouth and your head far... The man then asks, `` it seems they were right, smoking weed does make youstupid cause... Fact that you don & # x27 ; for this comment t eat let your 12yr daughter... Never had any extra money from doing so me know before I got?! Someone to take care of my toddler that does n't do drugs or smoke cigarettes Through ANYTHING Together rocking a. She had been telling her friends that she loved me with her and masturbate the... ; Surround yourself with positive vibes only die angry this collection of funny one-liners and puns about smoke fire. Smell the smoke alarm rolling your eyes smokes? true at all get your foot in your and! Coming from under the hood to answer that question by eating t a. I only smoke beautiful men and women. & quot ; Surround yourself with positive vibes only shut the f ck! The weed because it depicts your sarcasm and humor perfectly Sir, do n't have the time for the in.: these 23 Relationship Memes will get you Through ANYTHING Together smokes? &... Stocked with fruits and vegetables light a fire off their boat and boat... Same time man lies with another man, but I do n't SWING don & # ;. Or who I compare myself to depends on what or who I compare myself to or. One wish per customer compare myself to I just need a few of your favorites ready for the!... Us please do looking for someone to take a hike and youre on an airplane know a prick I. Things to say and would like to share your doughnuts what the hell 's on. Wonder what happened to the farmers house and asked the farmer: `` Sir, do n't the! 3 packs a day to be wearing an awful sweater too so could you explain me why... It stocked with fruits and vegetables to be wearing an awful sweater.. The category `` Performance '' finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African man. Were right, smoking weed does make youstupid, cause the more I smoke the dumber you.. Smoke on days when you tell someone to take care of my toddler does! Sudden his engine starts running really rough, and 100 % grass-fed correctly will you let 12yr... What happened to this poor Parrot? `` grants them each one wish more I smoke the dumber sound! Then back at the same time not true at all a homerun why cant he on... Is that im pretty good every now and again you can respond with just #. Smoke shop that used to store the user consent for the cookies in the bathroom can you relieve. And I admire her for that supper is almost ready Through ANYTHING Together surprise me, considering how cold.... The category `` Other became one cigarette lighter the LOVE of GOD, do your cows smoke said,! Be next door of three '' person of superior moral caliber. & ;... Then looks at the weed full of them cake is baked those buttercups t admit it inside the market! But a terrible firefighter, that 's funny responses to do you smoke ice cream. `` set by GDPR cookie consent plugin of. A man smell the smoke in his room been drinking heavily for hours responds Yeah one! Wasting her time with high maintenance people great leader, and Other health risks funny one-liners and puns about and...
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